Letting Go

Already a month into the new year, I finally find myself excited about the possibilities to come. But it was not easy.

It has been a good couple of weeks concerning looking for work. I had some hopeful job interviews, some gentle rejections and even made it as a finalist with an organization that has a purpose and I really wanted to be a part of it. This full-time position paid well with super benefits and had a young vibrant staff.  The interviews lasted over three hours; I spoke with the leaders, shared ideas, and had a few laughs. It all went so well.

Interviews are so strange. You prep, pick out your outfit and hope you are going to have a good hair day. You meet new people, and they ask you questions. Questions about the work you have done, your ideas, and asking surface things about who you really are. I get to do the same, but it is different. The directors, or bosses and staff are not being judged or examined. Are they really hearing what I have to say? Are their minds already made up halfway through the interview? Do I really have a chance of getting hired? I always give it my best shot; hope they get me and then I wait to hear back with a decision.

Well, I heard back from the place I really wanted to work with, it was the usual response, “The committee met today, and we have decided to pursue other candidates.” Those words hit me like a brick. I felt so sure this was the one. After a few days of moping around and feeling defeated, I realized it is not the work I do but the age that I am. I could have been anyone’s mother. No one really wants to collaborate with their mother. I just do not fit in anymore. I concluded that my professional leadership role career is over. This led me to another few days of moping, this time with tears. I was morning the end of something I have done my whole life… creating a life around the work I do. Now I need to create a world around the life I want to live while looking for passive part-time work that satisfies my financial needs.

I am now embarking on a new journey. I am learning how to spend my days doing what I want to do. That may be writing, reading, hooking up with friends, getting back to the museums, discovering the city again, and finding hidden treasures in nature. I am no longer in the rat race. I can surely say, “I am semi-retired looking for part-time work.